How a psychiatrist and bestselling author blends neuroscience and lived experience to help women reclaim their mental health through daily, compassionate practices.
A note from Dr. Samra Zafar
People have said I’ve lived the kind of life most only read about in headlines: an abusive child marriage, years of isolation, freedom stripped away—followed by an arc of resilience, self-determination, and a fierce commitment to helping others heal. Yet the most defining parts of my journey didn’t happen in a single moment. They unfolded in the relentless realities of daily life: finding money for groceries, building community from scratch, and making sure my children were cared for while I went back to school as a single mom. Your story may look different from mine, but if you’re a mother or a woman who carries a lot—you know the daily weight of a thousand decisions. This piece is for you.
Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury
Self-care is often marketed as an “extra”—a treat after we’ve taken care of everyone else. Neuroscience tells a different story. Rest, nourishment, movement, and emotional support are as essential to your brain as oxygen is to your body. Think of self-care like a vaccine: it doesn’t mean life will never “get you sick,” but it can make the symptoms less severe. In crisis, professional help may still be needed; meanwhile, regular self-care builds resilience so your mind and body can weather the storms with more stability.
When we wait until burnout, we end up operating from our survival brain—the part that is constantly scanning for danger—making it almost impossible to truly unwind. Treat self-care as daily maintenance, not an emergency repair.
How stress rewires the brain (and how to rewire it back)
Chronic stress keeps the brain in “survival mode.” The amygdala (your internal alarm) gets louder, while the prefrontal cortex (planning, focus, emotional regulation) becomes harder to access. Cortisol surges disrupt sleep, mood, digestion, and immunity. Over time, joy and calm feel out of reach.
The hopeful truth: the same neuroplasticity that learns stress can learn safety. Small, consistent practices teach your nervous system to return to balance. With repetition, you literally strengthen circuits for calm, clarity, and connection.
Why this work matters to me
I am a psychiatrist—and I am also a survivor. I escaped an abusive child marriage, raised two daughters on my own, and rebuilt my life from the ground up. Those years taught me how deeply trauma shapes the brain—and how powerfully the brain can rewire with the right tools and support. The strategies I share with my patients are science-based and lived-in. I used them then; I use them now.
Five science-backed strategies you can start today
1) Anchor calm to an existing routine
The brain adopts new habits more easily when they “piggyback” on something you already do.
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While the coffee brews or the kettle boils, try 2 minutes of box breathing: inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4.
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Waiting in the school pickup line? Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly, and take five slow breaths. Name what you feel without judgment.
2) Keep a “glimmer” log
Glimmers are micro-moments of safety and delight—sunlight on your face, a lyric you love, your child’s laugh.
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Keep a note on your phone and add 3 glimmers a day.
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Over time, your reticular activating system learns to scan for what’s safe and good—not just what could go wrong.
3) Build a boundary-phrase toolkit
Stress spikes when we feel cornered into yes. Prepare language while you’re calm so your thinking brain stays online. Try:
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“I’d love to support this, and I need to pass right now.”
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“That won’t work for me, but here’s an option that could.”
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“I can help for 30 minutes on Thursday.”
Write your favorites on a sticky note or save them in your Notes app.
4) Make community a form of self-care
Supportive relationships co-regulate the nervous system.
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Schedule connection before you need it: a weekly walk, a standing check-in with a friend, a circle or class that nourishes you.
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Notice how your body feels around people who leave you grounded versus depleted—and choose accordingly.
5) Practice emotional agility (three steps)
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Compassionate Acceptance: Name it with “I feel…” (not “I am…”). I feel overwhelmed.
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Honest Reflection: What triggered this? Is my reaction proportional to the situation or colored by fatigue, hunger, or old wounds?
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Courageous Action: Choose one next step aligned with your values—even if the feeling is uncomfortable. Text a friend. Ask for help. Take a 10-minute walk. Submit the application.
Dismantling the guilt barrier (especially for moms)
Many of us were conditioned to believe that caring for ourselves takes away from those we love. The opposite is true. When you’re running on empty, patience, focus, and joy are the first to go. Prioritizing your well-being creates a ripple effect—your children, partners, colleagues, and community benefit from the calmer, clearer you. Boundaries are not walls; they are the bridges that keep love sustainable.
We can’t eliminate stress, but we can change our response
Life will still be life. Radical self-care isn’t about perfection—it’s about expanding your capacity so chaos doesn’t automatically tip you into crisis. We don’t “move on” from trauma; we move with it. Healing means learning to live fully even while carrying what happened. Your capacity to heal is greater than the worst things that happened to you—and it begins with small, repeatable choices that care for your mind every day.
Try this 7-day micro-practice plan
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Day 1: Two minutes of box breathing with your morning beverage.
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Day 2: Start your glimmer log (aim for three entries).
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Day 3: Write three boundary phrases you can use this week.
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Day 4: Text a friend to schedule a 20-minute walk or call.
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Day 5: Emotional agility reps—name one feeling, reflect, take one value-aligned action.
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Day 6: Digital sunset: 30 minutes screen-free before bed.
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Day 7: Celebrate one small win from the week (say it out loud or write it down).
Dr. Samra Zafar is an award-winning, internationally renowned speaker, physician, author, and educator. She has been recognized among the Top 100 Most Powerful Women in Canada, the Top 25 Most Inspirational Women in Canada, and the Top 25 Canadian Immigrants. Her book A Good Wife: Escaping the Life I Never Chose, based on her journey of escaping an abusive child marriage to pursue her freedom, sheds light on gender-based oppression and was a national bestseller and a CBC Best Book.
One of the youngest alumnae to serve as governor at the University of Toronto, she is currently on the board of the Women’s College Hospital Foundation and a celebrated ambassador for Plan International. She is also the founder and executive director of Brave Beginnings, a national charity that provides mentorship to women who have escaped abuse. Her work has impacted millions and has been extensively featured in national and global media.
Zafar’s speaking portfolio includes four successful TEDx Talks and engagements with leading organizations worldwide. Her second book, Unconditional: Break Through Past Limits to Transform Your Future, releasing on February 18, 2025, provides science-based strategies grounded in lived experience to help readers overcome limiting beliefs and create fuller, more meaningful lives.
Crunchy Mama’s Perspective
At Crunchy Mama Box, we believe radical self-care is daily maintenance—not a luxury—and that healing honors both science and lived experience. We champion practices that are accessible, compassionate, and community-oriented, especially for parents and caregivers who carry a lot. Our goal is to help you make informed choices that support your mind, body, and spirit.
Editor’s Note: This article is for informational purposes only. The professional, brand, or company featured is not CMB certified, and their products or services have not been tested or endorsed by our wellness experts.
Gentle Reminder: This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you’re in crisis, please contact a licensed professional or local emergency resources.
