Seek professional help: Therapy is always okay, regardless of the life stage you are in. When ending a toxic relationship, life can literally feel like it is “over”. Sometimes, people have to start over again in more ways than one and that can be very hard to navigate through. Having professional help through this season gives you a sort of “warm blanket”, somewhere to work through things and also find comfort. Professional support can provide valuable tools and coping strategies to aid in your healing.
Psychological abuse can leave deep and lasting scars, affecting all aspects of a person’s life. Healing from such toxic relationships requires resilience, support, and effective strategies. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Lenise Mazyck, Licensed Mental Health Therapist.
Lenise(Lyn-eese) is the Therapist-Owner of Roots to Results Counseling, A culturally-affirming space for people in Virginia and Washington, DC. Lenise specialized in working with millennial and Neurodivergent women on creating new pathways for joy in their lives. Lenise loves building connections through therapy, trainings, and speaking engagements.
Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
Absolutely! I am Lenise. I am a Mental Health Therapist in DC and Virginia! I am a neurodivergent, millennial Black woman with a ton of personal and professional experience with psychological abuse. I am a victim of psychological abuse in toxic relationships both in romantic experience, family experiences, and from work experiences. We are in the midst of terms such as “Trauma bonding” and “Narcisstic abuse” and in my practice with clients, I have helped them work through undoing years of abuse from those who promised to keep them safe at one time or another.
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘takeaways’ you learned from that?
One of the most interesting stories from my career began when I launched my Mental Health Practice, Roots to Results Counseling, in 2018. Initially, I set it up as a contingency plan and didn’t invest much into it. However, in January 2020, I had an idea and thought “it’s time to actively provide support to women navigating life transitions”. Just a few months later, the pandemic struck, and unexpectedly, my practice became a lifeline during one of the most challenging periods of my life and for many others. It was incredibly rewarding to offer virtual support to those struggling with mental health diagnoses such as depression and anxiety. I left my full time job in 2020 and dedicated myself to my private practice. That experience taught me to really trust my instincts and fully commit to my path.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Empathy: I have worked with staff that were unable to complete some tasks on time. When this happens, instead of being punitive and make my staff feel like I am reprimanding them, I first get curious. I ask about whats happened that they are having trouble and if there are ways I can help them through the process to get their things done differently next time. I think this has led to a great relationship with my staff where they can be honest, ask for mental health extensions or days off without reason. I think it been great to say “hey I am ACTUALLY here for you” and have my staff believe it and take me up on it!
Staying Flexible/Adaptable: As an entrepreneur, there are times I have to be everything, the accountant, assistant, billing office, social media, etc. Recently, there has been more requests for in-person therapy and for more services in the Washington, DC. It was not our plan to offer either but because I understand flexibility, we are working on opening an office and offering more services in all the areas we serve.
Being Honest: I think most jobs and bosses practice transparency but not honesty. They tell you what you need to hear but leave you to interpret what it means. As a leader, I work hard to talk to the people I work with about honest impact. For example, we were recently hit with changes from insurance companies that caused a delay in pay for us. I was able to thankfully pay my staff but I informed them of the reality of what was happening and the possible issues it can cause. Thankfully, they were not impacted but I am glad they knew way ahead of time that they could be.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that might help people?
Absolutely! I’m currently developing an on-demand class that allows people to access valuable information if they are having problems trying to start one-on-one therapy. This class can also serve as a supplement to their existing therapeutic practices. I understand that many individuals find it challenging to seek therapy, especially among uninsured and underinsured communities and particularly Black and Brown individuals. While this class is not a substitute for therapy, it offers an accessible way to obtain essential knowledge.
Additionally, I’m working on a line of merchandise, stationery, and planners tailored specifically for neurodiverse Black and Brown individuals. There is a significant lack of resources and support for neurodiverse People of Color, and I’m excited to be in the creative phase of developing something that truly supports folks like me!
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of our interview. Let’s start with a simple definition so that we are all on the same page. How would you define a Toxic Relationship?
To me, a toxic relationship is any relationship where you have to pretend, disassociate, and become a shell of yourself to survive.
What are the common signs of emotional, financial, and/or psychological abuse in various types of relationships (e.g., romantic, familial, professional)? How can individuals recognize and address these forms of abuse effectively?
Common signs of emotional, financial, and psychological abuse in various types of relationships include manipulation, incessant criticism, jealousy, possessiveness, intrusion into personal space, financial control (such as dictating how you spend your own money), fueling conflicts between you and others, undermining your intelligence or capabilities, and tracking your location under the guise of “safety.” This list goes on and on.
Recognizing these signs can be challenging. For example, when someone tracks your location, it may initially seem like a way to “protect you.” However, this behavior can quickly turn into a means of monitoring your movements. You might receive calls if you visit a store different from what you mentioned or if you linger at a friend’s house longer than planned. They might accuse you of cheating or acting suspiciously, leading you to feel pressured to manage your movements to avoid upsetting them. While it may seem like they care about your well-being, they are engaging in psychological abuse and manipulation. You might find yourself rationalizing their behavior by thinking, “They just want to know what I’m up to,” when that is not their true intention.
How can someone begin the healing process after leaving a toxic relationship? Based on your research or experience, can you please share your “5 Things You Need To Heal After A Toxic Relationship”?
1 . Sit with it: toxicity can feel disorienting, and you can have a hard time establishing what actually happened to you and if it was even true. It can be hard to see the ways someone was abusive to you and the gravity of it. For instance, I have met people who have said things like “my ex partner called me a stupid person who does not know anything” over and over again and you know what, maybe I am”. Instead of realizing what this person was going to them, they took it on as their own beliefs and when separating, it is still hard not to find yourself believing some of these things.
2 . Find YOUR people- I am a firm believer that we continue to live healthy lives only if we connect to a community that sees us and can affirm us. When leaving a toxic relationship, a lot of people find that they are very lonely and alone which not only increases chances of going back but it also increases chances of mental health needs such as suicidal ideations. Finding a community of people, online or in person, that can help you, hold you accountable, and support you as your nervous system literally changes is so important! Find your Tribe!
3 . Seek professional help: Therapy is always okay, regardless of the life stage you are in. When ending a toxic relationship, life can literally feel like it is “over”. Sometimes, people have to start over again in more ways than one and that can be very hard to navigate through. Having professional help through this season gives you a sort of “warm blanket”, somewhere to work through things and also find comfort. Professional support can provide valuable tools and coping strategies to aid in your healing.
4 . Engaging self-care: Take care of yourself as if you are physically ill. You may even actually feel physically ill! Focus on activities that promote your physical, emotional, and mental health. Try things like exercise, meditation, journaling, traveling, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy.
5 . Take things slow: Remember, healing is a process that takes time, usually a lot more than people expect. Take some time off before engaging in another major relationship or task! It allows you to build your sensitivity to red flags in the future and possibly avoid future toxic relationships. Slowing down also gives you time to assert healthy boundaries for yourself and others!
Following financial abuse, what actionable strategies can individuals employ to rebuild their lives and achieve financial independence? What resources are instrumental in this process?
Some of the actionable strategies following financial abuse are creating a separate bank account and assessing your current financial situation, finding out if places such as your bank or a local library has financial literacy classes where they can sit with you and help you create a budget, connecting with a group of people also trying to achieve financial independence and can help you come up with creating budgeting and income strategies. Remember, rebuilding your life will take time, please make sure you are supported in it if possible.
The most instrumental resources in this process are any sort of financial classes and budgeting tools (many are free online), any legal action or attorneys if need be, aupport groups and maybe even a therapist that specializes in finance.
For those impacted by multiple forms of abuse, what comprehensive strategies and support systems are most effective in facilitating their healing journey?
For folks impacted by multiple forms of abuse, I think it is most important to re-establish a sense of self. Many people leave abusive situations with absolutely no idea who they are and have a hard time navigating the world because of it. I would recommend some sort of therapy where the person specializes in trauma such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). These therapies can help process trauma and develop coping skills. The important thing is to practice self-compassion and understand that you will find a new version of yourself in the healing process.
Some support systems I and my clients have found helpful are hotlines and crisis centers, mental health therapy, support groups online or in person, and any sort of educational resources. These suppors help you to gain and maintain independence!
What strategies can survivors use to rebuild their self-esteem and confidence?
The biggest strategy survivor can use to rebuild self-esteem is to celebrate progress and challenge negative self-talk. This Process literally alters your brain chemistry and nervous system, it is important to use small wins as huge celebrations! I also recommend reflective journaling and finding new things to be interested in! Get curious about yourself!
How can friends and family best support someone who is recovering from psychological abuse?
Friends and Family can listen empathetically and validate the persons experiences. They can also educate themselves on the effects of abuse on a person. It will be incredibly important to respect the persons process and understand that if they do not get “over” something today, tomorrow, or next month. Also, avoid minimizing their experience. Do not make comments that minimize their struggles, such as “It wasn’t that bad” or “Just think positively.” People will feel small and invalidated. Instead, acknowledge the seriousness of their experience.
What role does therapy play in recovering from psychological abuse, and how can one find the right therapist? Additionally, what tips do you have for overcoming common barriers to accessing therapy?
Therapy provides a safe space for healing, a place to process trauma, gain coping strategies, rebuild self-esteem, help to identify patterns, and establish boundaries. Therapy can be a safe place to process the trauma in a way that lets you find and put all the new pieces together.
There are many, many barriers to accessing therapy. The biggest two I see people struggle with is cost and stigma. There may be financial concerns as therapy is an investment. I would explore low-cost options such as community mental health centers, sliding scale practices, or non-profit organizations that offer affordable therapy. The biggest barrier I see in my practice is stigma. Therapy is still a taboo topic in some cultures and regions of the world. It may be important to start by following some healthy licensed mental health creators on social media or their newsletters. This gives you a low effort way to see how safe therapy should feel. From then, I would use google resources to find therapists in your local areas. Try virtual therapy first as it may be a less invasive way to explore therapy!
Could you name a few organizations or professionals that provide crucial support for individuals seeking to restart their lives after experiencing abuse, particularly when they have dependents relying on them?
There are resources such as The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (www.nrcdv.org), National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center (www.niwrc.org), National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health (www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org ), and Ujima, Inc.: The National Center on Violence Against Women in the Black Community (www.ujimacommunity.org )
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
I would create a holistic healing space that is free of charge in every major city in the United States! People would have access to competent and safe community care. They would get access to the skills needed to rebuild their lives in an empowered, safe place! A girl can dream!
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
You can follow me at the following socials:
Website: https://www.rootstoresultsrva.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lenisemazyck/ or https://www.instagram.com/rootstoresultsrva/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089884158162
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mazycklb/
Easiest way Is through my linktree:- https://linktr.ee/rootstoresults
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About the Interviewer: Wanda Malhotra is a wellness entrepreneur, lifestyle journalist, and the CEO of Crunchy Mama Box, a mission-driven platform promoting conscious living. CMB empowers individuals with educational resources and vetted products to help them make informed choices. Passionate about social causes like environmental preservation and animal welfare, Wanda writes about clean beauty, wellness, nutrition, social impact and sustainability, simplifying wellness with curated resources. Join Wanda and the Crunchy Mama Box community in embracing a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle at CrunchyMamaBox.com .
