We must learn that we are living this life for a reason. We may not have found it yet, but if we keep looking, we will. Our life is important. Things we do ripple out to affect others. Each of us holds a piece to the puzzle of the future.
Psychological abuse can leave deep and lasting scars, affecting all aspects of a person’s life. Healing from such toxic relationships requires resilience, support, and effective strategies. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Hyapatia Lee.
Hyapatia Lee is the Blessed Woman for the Lost River Band of the Cherokees and founder of Native Strength, a centuries-old traditional Native American system of mental health care. This method uses medicine wheels and parables to explain the psyche and show us better paths to happiness, health, harmony, humor, and hope. Hyapatia has written a number of books on the subject, hosts a TV show and a YouTube channel.
Thank you so much for joining us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’?
Mystory is colorful, complicated, and lengthy. I was born in Indianapolis, Indiana to teenage parents who divorced right after my birth. My grandmother raised me until my mother remarried when I was nine. My stepfather was sexually, verbally, and physically abusive. This abuse grew worse, for both me and my mother, after the family moved to Florida. This left me with low self-esteem and in a perpetual struggle to simply survive.
I left Florida on my own the day after I graduated from the eighth grade and found my father in Indianapolis through the phone book. He and his wife welcomed me into their home with their three children.
The family was very active in the Baptist church, and I was encouraged to “be saved.” This culminated in a meeting with the pastor in my bedroom where I told him about the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my stepfather. He began to pray for my forgiveness. I didn’t understand why I needed to be forgiven when it was my stepfather who was sexually abusive. My self-esteem suffered another blow.
I begged my grandmother to let me live with her. Being blamed for my own abuse was too much. I knew she couldn’t afford me, but I promised to work to help provide for my needs.
Knowing money was scarce, I knew I needed to leave as soon as possible after I turned eighteen. My grandmother never said anything that made me feel like I was a burden, but I knew I was a financial drain.
As a result, I moved out into the only apartment I could afford. Less than a month later I woke up with a man holding a pair of scissors to my throat. He raped me. This devastated me and I ended up in a half-way house for the emotionally disturbed.
My grandmother visited me every day, but I wouldn’t tell her what had happened. It was too painful to discuss. Finally, with the help of my therapist, we told her. This led to my moving back in with her, again, to recover from what the world had thrown at me.
I knew she couldn’t afford to take care of me, so I tried to find a job. I was terrified of the world, and it was impossible for me to stop crying long enough to do my job, no matter what it was. I tried telephone marketing, working at a department store, and being a receptionist, but no one was interested in dealing with an employee with my issues.
I had always wanted to be a professional dancer. I dreamed of floating across the stage on the wings of music. I studied dance all my life, doing my first solo at the age of four. By high school I was taking college level ballet classes. I performed in 72 different plays and musicals in community theater by the time I graduated high school. I loved the stage and I lived to dance. When I saw an ad in the paper for dancers paying more than twice the minimum wage, I thought I had found my salvation.
When I called, they told me I had to take my clothes off. I didn’t understand. It was a gentleman’s club. Since I had done theater with a former Miss Nude World who was an “exotic” dancer, I called her after processing this information for about a week.
She told me it was easy and safe. I would dance for 20 minutes while bouncers made sure no one got out of line. The audience would tip me, and I could keep that money, too. I didn’t have to go nude, just topless but with pasties. She said she made close to $500 a week doing two or three shows a night. This was a large sum of money in the late 1970s.
A week later, I was mentally ready to audition, and I got the job. My grandmother was not happy. Even so, she was supportive.
I made good money. I could afford to buy my grandmother things and help with the expenses. I loved having money for a change! Then I met my therapist’s best friend.
He came to the club and somehow, I felt that the kindness my therapist had shown was connected to this man. My mind saw them as being much more similar than they were. I fell in love, and we eventually got married.
He worked as a plumber, and I quit dancing. This did not go well. We were broke all the time, until I finally started dancing again. One thing led to another, and I became involved in the adult film industry. As a popular actress, I traveled the world to perform in gentlemen’s clubs as a feature dancer.
I had always wanted to have a family. It was very lonely growing up with only my grandmother, her sister, and her sister’s husband. There were never any family get-togethers that included more than the three of us. I knew they were much older and someday, I would be alone.
After three miscarriages, I was devastated. The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong. I’m part Cherokee, so I turned to a medicine man for a traditional healing ceremony. Nine months later I had a healthy baby boy. This solidified my faith in the traditional ways.
I’d always wanted to learn more about Native culture. Traveling to the different gentlemen’s clubs as a feature gave me opportunities that I wouldn’t have otherwise had to visit reservations and study with the elders.
After twelve years of marriage and with two kids my marriage was falling apart. I also wasn’t feeling well at all. I went to doctors, but because I was traveling so much, they couldn’t do all the tests they wanted.
My husband was physically and verbally abusive. This often happened on the road, where I had no support system or anyone I could turn to for help. Calling the police as a traveling porn star performing in the local club was not a good idea. That could backfire quickly. So, I just put up with it.
One day on the movie set, the director gave us the wrong script and left. He had been up all night snorting cocaine and was too tired to direct. He said he would be back later.
We shot the script on our own. When the director came back, he realized he had given us the wrong script. It was three o’clock in the afternoon. He said we had to start over with the right script. We had already done several sex scenes. I was furious. I expected more pay for more work. The director said that was not possible. My husband sided with the director. I refused to work anymore.
For three days my husband told our two young sons that we were going to starve and be homeless and it was all my fault. He wouldn’t talk to me directly but said every derogatory thing you can imagine to the boys.
He had strangled me until I passed out when we were on the road, bruised my face before I had to perform on stage several times, and now he was turning my sons against me. My low self-esteem got me into this mess. It was going to take a lot of strength and some ego boosting to get me out of it.
I remembered the valuable lessons I had learned from the medicine men and women, gathered all my strength, and filed for divorce.
Years later, I finally got the medical care I needed. My first miscarriage had left me with Sheehan’s syndrome, a form of brain damage. This is why I had such a hard time conceiving and carrying my babies to term. The excessive blood loss had caused a slow death of my pituitary gland. This is the master gland, controlling all bodily functions. I needed cortisol daily for adrenal insufficiency, thyroid hormone for hypothyroidism, and several others to keep me alive. No wonder I was feeling so badly.
Back in Indiana and out of the adult movie business, I began to get more involved in local activities. I danced in pow-wows almost every week and became active with the Lost River Band of the Cherokees. I taught them some of the things I had learned and was honored when they elected me to the prestigious position of Blessed Woman.
The people of the Lost River Band were helped by the teachings I shared with them, and I knew others could be as well. So many people suffer from anxiety, depression, stress, grief, and more. Freud began his work around the late 1800s. Native Americans have been explaining the psyche with medicine wheels for thousands and thousands of years. I spent decades in therapy and taking every anti-depressant they threw at me. Nothing really helped very much. But when I learned how to analyze my life and thoughts with the medicine wheels, I made huge progress. The more I study these wheels, the better I feel.
It hurts me to see others suffer when I know there are ways to help them. I’m not saying everyone can cure every problem with the medicine wheels. I’m just saying talk therapy and pharmaceuticals only go so far. It’s not that the therapists aren’t trying or that they don’t care. They’re doing the best they can, but I think a lot of people could be helped by the medicine wheel teachings. That’s what drives me to share them.
Can you share with us the most interesting story from your career? Can you tell us what lessons or ‘takeaways’ you learned from that?
I began to step into my self-worth when I realized I was one of the more popular actresses in the business. I won several awards for my work, including a lifetime achievement award from the Free Speech Coalition. I appeared on the Phil Donahue Show, Current Affair, Entertainment Tonight, Geraldo Rivera, Rolanda, Montel, and many others. I was making thousands and thousands of dollars a week dancing. People wanted my photo and autograph. I’d never felt like this before. I was wanted. I was admired. They thought I was pretty. I never felt pretty before.
One of the companies I worked for refused to pay me back when my husband and I were still getting along. Unfortunately for them, I caught wind of their plans before the shoot was finished. Back then we shot on film. My husband and I took a few of the film canisters that had been shot but not developed. They couldn’t finish the film without these. We held them for ransom so that I could get the pay I was due.
In a parking lot of a hotel in Marina Del Rey, we exchanged the cannisters for my pay. Later I discovered that this company was a front for a cocaine cartel. I was dealing with drug dealers. I was very lucky I didn’t wind up dead.
I wouldn’t have been able to travel and study with the elders if I hadn’t gotten into that business. One thing leads to another. Something good often comes from something bad. The things I learned from the Native elders showed me that every experience had been a lesson. When I didn’t learn the lesson, a similar experience was placed on my path. If I wanted the abuse to stop, I had to learn the lesson. I had to learn I didn’t deserve the abuse.
I had to stop reacting to what happened to me, to what everyone else said and did, and live my life on my terms. I had to stop being reactionary and step into my own power. It wasn’t about pleasing others and making them happy, it was about being able to smile at my reflection in the mirror.
It took years, but I finally realized I was more than just an unwanted, abused kid from the wrong side of the tracks. I had been selling myself short. I left my abusive husband and the adult film industry at the same time.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Thank you, I appreciate that. I think my stubbornness has been a good thing. If I weren’t determined, I would have been stuck in Florida, or in with a family with an abusive pastor. I didn’t realize I had been so strong back then, but looking back, I can see it now. A therapist pointed that out to me, and it made a big impression. If I could do those things as a child, I could leave my abusive husband with my two young sons.
It’s this stubbornness that causes me to push myself until I drop. This is not necessarily a good thing. However, it did allow me to get to the point in life to where I could find out what was wrong with me physically. I can’t tell you how many doctors have told me that with my lab results, I shouldn’t be alive. I guess I was going on sheer will. For whatever reason, I made it this far. Now I have better medical care. It’s hard to find doctors who understand and can manage this rare condition. There is no cure. But I’m too stubborn to give up and my curiosity will keep me searching for better answers.
My curiosity and ability to remember things has also served me well. This helped me be resourceful when leaving Florida on my own at the age of 14. It was a different time back then, but no one questioned it when I spent the money I’d saved for years on a one way ticket to travel alone from Florida to Indiana.
It was my mind that helped me to graduate high school in three years. Though we were so poor that even applying to college was out of the question, the library was my second home, and I learned a lot.
Remembering my theater experience gave me the opportunity to write most of my own films. I had much more control over my career than actresses do now.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that might help people?
I’m working on my seventh book. This will be on the medicine wheel teachings. I’ve written five books about the information I learned on traditional Native American mental health and culture and one autobiography. These are available electronically and as audio books.
I host a television show called Native Strength that’s seen in 51 cities across the USA. Native Strength means we have the strength within us, we just have to learn how to bring it out. The medicine wheel teachings and stories help us to do that.
I recently launched a Patreon page for those who are interested in more personal help. This allows me to share some more complicated teachings than need more individualized explanations.
My YouTube channel uploads new videos once or twice a week. In addition to traditional Native American teachings, there are music videos, and Native legends and UFO encounters with Native Americans.
There are several courses on Udemy for those who are interested in learning more about Native American culture as it relates to brain wave manipulation, handling toxic people, empowerment, and mindfulness. In addition, I also wrote a course on traditional teaching plants which provide an altered state of awareness. When used properly, these can provide insight on one’s path.
Ok, thank you for all that. Now let’s shift to the main focus of our interview. Let’s start with a simple definition so that we are all on the same page. How would you define a Toxic Relationship?
The elders would say a toxic relationship is one that doesn’t allow you live your life to your full potential and walk your path. This means that we all have a purpose in life. We may not have found it yet, but it’s up to us to keep walking a path that leads us to this purpose. If someone wants us to live our life for them, they’re interfering with our purpose in life. They are blocking our path.
When someone demands we behave in certain ways, when they are controlling, we’ve stepped into a toxic relationship. Many people think it’s only toxic when it becomes physically violent but that’s not true.
As free autonomous adults, we have certain rights, even if we’re in a relationship or married. We have the right to communicate with friends and family members whenever we see fit. We have the right to pursue our education and gainful employment. We have the right to expect that a relationship will be a partnership, particularly if children are involved. We have the right to be treated with respect.
It becomes toxic when derogatory words are used, and accusations are made. A partner should be on your side, your biggest cheerleader. They should be there to help and support you. Of course, it’s a two-way street. We must learn to treat our partners with the same respect we deserve.
It takes time and energy to have a good relationship. We must be willing to fully engage, to listen, and to ask questions to be sure we’ve understood correctly. It also takes a willingness to say, “I was wrong” and “I’m sorry.”
In my abusive relationship there were lots of apologies, flowers, cards, gifts, but the abuse kept on happening. Actions speak louder than words and gifts. The best way to apologize is to stop the offensive behavior.
Bottom line, its control, disrespect, and abandonment. It goes without saying that physical violence is toxic. Some may forget that abandonment is abusive. It’s a form of disrespect. If your partner doesn’t know or doesn’t care that you need help or accompaniment, they aren’t making the relationship a priority.
What are the common signs of emotional, financial, and/or psychological abuse in various types of relationships (e.g., romantic, familial, professional)? How can individuals recognize and address these forms of abuse effectively?
I believe it all boils down to control. When your partner wants to have control of what you buy, who you talk to, what you say, how you spend your time, how you act or what you wear, you may be in an abusive relationship.
Our parents can set boundaries for us like this also. Society looks to parents as the cause of their children’s behavior. If we turn out to be criminals, many will say it was the parents’ fault for not raising us right. This makes parents feel as though they must control our actions. Once we are adults and living on our own, however, this needs to stop. It’s fine to express one’s opinion, but they no longer have a say in our independent decisions. A partner should not act like a parent.
Professional abuse can take many forms. Expecting extra hours without pay, bending rules and laws, and of course, sexual harassment. It’s important to stop it before it starts. When we ignore unacceptable behavior, it often becomes worse.
Sometimes, those of us who have grown up as people pleasers want to be helpful and polite. We want to be easy to get along with, on the team, a trooper. That’s why we often get talked into letting little things slide, even if it’s only ourselves who is doing the convincing. We have to fight against this instinct. We must remind ourselves that, as my ancestors say, you give them an inch, they’ll take two thousand miles. It takes self-esteem to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. Fake it until you make it. It might be awkward and uncomfortable but set your boundaries and stick to them.
When you put your foot down early on, you make it obvious that this is not okay with you. It’s easier to stop it in the beginning than after things have gotten way out of hand.
Life happens so quickly. We go from one thing to another all day long. There’s often no time to reflect on what just happened. This can lead to problems. People who want to push your boundaries know you’re frazzled, and that’s when you’re likely to say yes, or not even notice a slide remark, or a sexual advance.
Take some time for yourself every evening. Rewind the events of the day and see if there’s something you missed, something that didn’t feel quite right but you just went on with your day. Make a mental note of such things.
How can someone begin the healing process after leaving a toxic relationship? Based on your research or experience, can you please share your “5 Things You Need To Heal After A Toxic Relationship”?
Link to my video — https://youtu.be/lSKWdIOii5o
1. First, we must begin to build our self-esteem. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. A good therapist can help. It starts by recognizing that we are a product of our upbringing, and our parents were too. They aren’t perfect. They made mistakes. If we didn’t feel loved and accepted without hiding parts of our personality and changing for others, it’s not our fault. We aren’t inherently flawed. We all change the way we present ourselves to the world in order to be loved and accepted. This makes us feel unworthy of love in our original form. If our caregivers are stressed, have low self-esteem and poor parenting skills, we internalize it. We feel it’s our fault. We feel unlovable. This makes us vulnerable to people pleasing and tolerating abuse.
We must learn that we are living this life for a reason. We may not have found it yet, but if we keep looking, we will. Our life is important. Things we do ripple out to affect others. Each of us holds a piece to the puzzle of the future.
There are many medicine wheel teachings that can help us unravel our core personality and default settings. We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. Most of us have never seen examples of positive behaviors in all situations. The medicine wheels can show us what that would look like, what we should strive to emulate.
Psychology started with Sigmund Freud, who began his work in the late 1800s. The Native American mental health practices I learned are thousands of years old. Mental health professionals are concerned with those who hear voices, they may call them schizophrenic.
When we read, we hear a voice in our head that makes sense of the words. We hear a voice remind us of our shopping list when we’re in the grocery store. This is not mental illness. Native Americans have been working with the voices in our head for centuries.
We have fear feeder voices, they feed on your fears and they stoke fear. We have our inner elders, adults, and children. The children want to learn and explore. They want to enjoy life and seek out beauty. The adults are busy with life. That’s who reminds you of what’s on your list and to lock the door at night. Most of us are familiar with the inner adults.
The wise elders are connected directly to Spirit. They are filled with eternal love and acceptance. They don’t expect us to be perfect. They gently show us better ways, and they love us, no matter what we do. These are the perfect parents we never had but certainly deserved. Once we have forged a path to them in our mind, they will always be with us. This is a huge step. Once we know how to treat ourselves with kindness, we will be able to do the same for others.
Hearing the love of our inner elders skyrockets us down the path of healing after a toxic relationship. It gives us support, encouragement, acceptance, and self-esteem.
2. Honor your inner child. Do fun things just for yourself on a weekly, or even daily basis. When we’re abused, our inner child suffers the most. Our inner adult has been in survival mode and there’s been no time for following beauty, exploring, learning, or just having fun. Make up for lost time. Reward yourself. Do the things you’ve wanted to do, the things you didn’t dream were possible. I’m not saying go on an extravagant vacation and spend money you don’t have. I’m saying spend time at a park, go swimming, learn a new skill, paint a picture, or watch a movie. Whatever makes you feel good that is within your comfort zone. Relax and discover what it feels like to enjoy life.
3. Part of building our self-esteem is knowing it’s not our fault we landed in a toxic relationship. We can’t control the behavior of others.
Examining our life takes a lot of time and energy, but reflecting on what led up to these events is integral for not repeating them. Some prefer to do it with the help of a therapist. Therapy can be crucial in realizing we’re not to blame for many things we may think are our fault. The right therapist can work miracles.
After many therapists, and the death of two fabulous ones, I turned to Native American traditional techniques to examine my life in many ways.
The Circle of Foxes medicine wheel shows us all the negative choices we can make in life, and the Dance of the Coyotes shows us all the positive ones. I used these wheels to find better ways to react to what life threw at me. It also helps me to see how weak my abusers were when they chose to behave as they did. The Circle of Foxes shows us what it looks like when we live our lives to please others and make them like us. The Dance of the Coyotes wheel is the opposite. It shows us how to live our lives for ourselves and get our self-esteem from within.
The Circles of Life teaching shows us how we are influenced by different things at different ages in our life. For example, this shows us that we will be the most emotional we will ever be in our life, and more prone to emotional abuse, between the ages of 7 and 9.
It also shows us what’s coming next so we can prepare for it. It tells us what we are more focused on now and what we will be concerned with at any age in the future. Armed with this knowledge, I could see why things affected me the way they did and why I made certain decisions about my life.
The last teaching that helped me to realize it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t deserve to be abused and that I had a bright future, was to go through each year of my life. Think of the major events of each year and how they affected you. What were your successes and victories? What did you learn that year? What was the big take-away? For example, I could have decided to never trust people, or certain kinds of people. Then I have to ask myself if this was a good decision, did it serve me well? Do I want to stick with this decision?
I also need to ask how I influenced others in that year. What major events happened where I could have influenced another? Did I make their lives harder, or did I help? There may have been nothing that happened that comes to mind, and that’s okay too. Once we get out of childhood, these questions get much more involved. This gives you a chance to see how decisions you made long ago affected your life and to determine if they are helping you now. It’s an opportunity to rethink basic decisions you may have thought were settled long ago.
4. Learning to get self-esteem from ourselves and not from the approval and admiration of others is integral. Many people are afraid to be alone. Not because they think a criminal will find them, but because they don’t want to be alone with their own thoughts. We have to learn to get our comfort from within. We must silence the fear feeders and listen to the inner elders.
Our thoughts and what we say to ourselves can be much worse than what anyone may say in real life. These are the fear feeder voices. The only way to silence them is to drown them out with the voices of our inner elders telling us we don’t deserve to say such things to ourselves. We deserve respect and love. We’ve done the best we could in difficult situations with little to no survival tools.
Many people thrive when others reward them for their behavior. Our friends may pat us on the back. Our parents may throw us a party when we graduate. But the best reward is when we feel good inside. This feeling never goes away, unless we allow the fear feeders to intrude.
Society revolves around this system or rewarding us for good behavior, but they don’t often acknowledge the importance of feeling good about ourselves. Our friend who patted us on the back may not know that we cringe inside at our behavior that prompted his praise. Our parents may not be aware that we don’t really want to pursue a career in the field for which we got our degree. Therefore, these external rewards only cause us inner turmoil.
When we listen to our inner children to find out what sings to their heart and let them plan the course of our life a bit, happiness will not be so elusive. The key is to discover a way to do what we love and be successful at the same time. Following our own path and not one dictated by society or our caregivers makes us feel good about ourselves.
5. Choose what you do with your time wisely. Select your friends with care. Our time is limited. Don’t waste time with people that bring you down rather than lift you up.
It’s very easy to get so involved with social media and others that we lose track of the day. We may find we’ve made everyone else feel good but have forgotten to take care of ourselves. It’s hard to go against our indoctrination, but we must put ourselves first. If we don’t take care of ourselves and our needs, we won’t be any good for anyone else.
Listening to other’s stories may be a delightful diversion from our own life, but in the end, our problems will still be there. Even though we all need a break from time to time, forgetting our goals and focusing on others only delays the inevitable. It’s not easy to build self-esteem when the world has been working very hard to tear it down for decades. It takes time and a tremendous amount of effort and dedication, but it’s the most worthwhile task you will ever undertake.
Following financial abuse, what actionable strategies can individuals employ to rebuild their lives and achieve financial independence? What resources are instrumental in this process?
First, open an individual banking account. Remove the other person from all utilities, subscriptions, and credit cards, if possible. If not, open new accounts in your name and close the others if you can.
Don’t share any information with anyone who knows your abuser. This goes for financial as well as other information. Anything you say may get back to them and be used against you. Your life is now off limits. Learn to be very secretive with people who also talk to your abuser.
Your own parents may give out too much information to the wrong person if they are in communication with someone who knows the abuser. Some parents still talk to their daughter or son-in-law and may say something hoping they can get the relationship back together. Be wary.
Because my ex was so involved in my work, I quit. He was already spreading rumors about me to club owners and agents. I knew this would only get worse after the divorce. I wanted out of that business anyway.
I was lucky that I could be in another state. He stayed in California, and I went back to Indiana. With all the abuse and sharing two kids, this was a very good scenario as it could have gotten much worse. If this is a possibility for you, I recommend it. Getting as far away from your abuser as possible is always a good idea.
For those impacted by multiple forms of abuse, what comprehensive strategies and support systems are most effective in facilitating their healing journey?
A good therapist, trusted friends or family members, social resources. There are social services for people struggling, particularly those with children. Search online and reach out. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re not alone and there is no shame in accepting help. This is not your fault.
What strategies can survivors use to rebuild their self-esteem and confidence?
The exercise I mentioned to go over your life one year at a time helps us to discover how we’re all products of our upbringing. We come face to face with the challenges we faced, what we learned from them, and now that years have passed, we can see there may be better decisions we can make going forward. This gives us a glimpse at how we may wish to conduct our lives in the future, what decisions we may make about our own life and how to help others.
The Circle of Foxes that shows how we can live a purely reactionary life, and the Dance of the Coyotes, which shows us how to live our life for ourselves. These have been integral in my healing journey.
There are also personal wheels that show you how you may choose to act positively or negatively in certain situations and how we are prone to certain choices. These have been extraordinarily helpful. They’ve shown me behaviors I’ve never seen play out in life. I didn’t know these were options. No one I knew acted like this, but these ways were full of integrity, compassion, and respect. I began to emulate them.
How can friends and family best support someone who is recovering from psychological abuse?
Give them love, time, compassion, acceptance, and more love. Do not be judgmental. Resist the urge to think of what you would have done in a similar situation or suggest how they should feel or act now.
Be honest and open. Secrets can be very damaging to someone who is trying to regain trust. Don’t be controlling, but rather, present options and suggestions. When your loved one is not ready for your suggestions, don’t be hurt or discouraged. Don’t take it personally. They may be willing to try these later. Give it all the time in the world. This abuse didn’t occur over just one night, and healing won’t either.
What role does therapy play in recovering from psychological abuse, and how can one find the right therapist? Additionally, what tips do you have for overcoming common barriers to accessing therapy?
Therapy of some kind is integral. It could be a traditional therapist, a member of the clergy, or a trusted friend or family member. The more, the better.
It may be impossible to find a good therapist by looking online. It’s a very personal relationship and sometimes it’s a good fit and sometimes it most certainly is not. Don’t be afraid to keep looking if you’re with someone who isn’t understanding and compassionate. There are good ones out there.
Some of us have a lot to unravel. My trauma didn’t start with my marriage, and this is often the case. It may take a while to find the right therapist.
Therapy is often a financial problem. Different states have different rules on Medicaid. There may be some free services available.
Self-help mental health has had some colorful reviews. However, there are some YouTube channels that can help you to recognize narcissism, abusive behaviors, and the like. They can show you you’re not alone and the behavior of your abuser is quite common. There is a lot to be learned on some channels. Even with the best therapist, you still may need advice on days you don’t have a session.
Could you name a few organizations or professionals that provide crucial support for individuals seeking to restart their lives after experiencing abuse, particularly when they have dependents relying on them?
Almost every city has a shelter for abused women. These are safe places for women and children. I used to donate to one in Bloomington, Indiana regularly. Most therapists and all social workers have lists of places you can get help with food, clothing, shelter, just about anything you may need. Do some online research to find places in your area.
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. :-)
I want to share the medicine wheel teachings far and wide. There are teachings for anger control, depression, grief, stress, parenting, careers, just about everything in life. I know I’m not the only one that’s found this traditional information to be enormously helpful.
A television show on a major network showing people how to use the medicine wheels in daily life would have great impact. It would let people know there are other options out there and I’m sure millions could be helped. If more people were trained in these ways therapists could help their clients with the teachings.
In my humble opinion, this knowledge and wisdom is far more helpful than simple talk therapy. I think a lot of people would benefit by working with someone who can show them why people act the way they do on these wheels.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
My books are available on Amazon and my audio books are available here:
Native Strength https://www.audible.com/pd/B0BMW7PWYD/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-329957&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_329957_rh_us
Overcoming Bullies
I have courses available through these sites:
LISTENABLE — https://listenable.io/web/courses/416/native-american-mindfulness/
UDEMY — https://www.udemy.com/user/hyapatia-lee-2/
You can find me on social media here:
LINKEDIN — https://www.linkedin.com/in/hyapatia-lee-6bb565125/
TWITTER — https://twitter.com/hyapatialee
This is the link to my YouTube channel
YOUTUBE — http://www.youtube.com/@Hyapatia-kg8bh
https://youtube.com/@Hyapatia-kg8bh?si=REm4WReK_utJ2WiZ
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
Thank you for this opportunity!
